Jun 12, 2012
Before we go any further – Spoiler Alert – spoilers contained in this article!
You have probably read several reviews by now about the terribleness that is Prometheus. Most of these reviews focused on the lack of logic/reason, the bad acting, the lack of actual aliens, etc, but I will focus on something which has been bugging me for a while now, whenever I go watch a movie.
It is the dying craft of storytelling. This is epitomised by Prometheus. Ridley Scott has now joined Steven Spielberg and Michael Bay, on my list of famed directors that used to ‘wow’ us with visuals and take us on a journey of the imagination, but are now downright embarrassing.
E.T, Hook, Jurassic Park, Alien, Gladiator, Transformers I, The Island, The Rock, all examples of their works of glory. Then came Transformers II and III, Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, War of the Worlds, I am Number Four. These are a few of the titles that are the bones in the growing pile of the story graveyard. This decline in the essence of movies is carried on in Prometheus.
Here are some examples of the drivel that the audience was spoon fed in Prometheus:
- In the beginning we see an alien ‘seeding’ life on earth, but then we find out they actually hate us and want us dead; why even create us in the first place and why the change in heart?
- The idiocy of the scientists in this movie is ridiculous, where one even attempts to touch a clearly hostile ‘alien-worm’ (which subsequently deep throats him to death); why the hell didn’t he quarantine it for study later?
- A dead mutated scientist comes back to life and randomly starts killing people; why is that important to the story at all?
- Most importantly, I would have never known that the ship was a weapon of mass destruction headed for earth, and only realized this when one of the characters told me it was; why didn’t the story lead me to this conclusion?
- And, frankly, his conclusion that the ship was a weapon was an incredible leap because at the time, the character didn’t even know it was a ship or that it was bound for earth.
- There were holographic projections of the history of the alien race, where they are seen running away from something chasing them, but just so happens they hide in the very room housing the frigging-evil-WMD-black-ooze that wipes out the crew of Prometheus?
- When they retrieved a preserved alien head, it explodes, why?
- What was the significance of the captain getting into Charlize’s pants?
- Then there was an Asian guy and his friend who kept joking about money owed on a bet? Who the hell were they? The story never developed beyond their stupid banter. They sacrificed themselves for humanity by crashing their ship into the alien craft, they must have be important, right? Yet, I had no idea who they were.
- I could go on.
The craters in the story are not even a testament to laziness but merely, like so many seasoned directors these days, just boys with their toys. Ridley only cared about the beautiful visuals (and they were beautiful) but frankly I would have taken a movie with Alien I graphics and a great story, over the 2-hour CGI clusterF*@% that is Prometheus.
It reminded me of the scene in Transformers III, where the audience spends thirty dreary minutes watching various characters fall around the inside of a collapsing building that is being destroyed by a giant mechanical worm. I’m sure it was a feat of some sort of graphics, but God – I was bored to tears.
I truly hope Steven, Michael, and Ridley will read the many seething reviews at their latest creations, and realize that they are murders of the story, successively raping the very soul of their movies with each hollow marketing creation.
The fact that on IMDB the viewer’s review was 7.8/10 truly shows how numb we have become. Vacant onlookers being happy with pretty pictures and, like trained monkeys, clapping at the end. Maybe it’s time for these oldies to retire and get some fresh young blood that can actually capture our imaginations again with storytelling and well-crafted dialogue. Or maybe they just need to go watch a Quentin Tarantino movie for a refresher course. I don’t know. I just know I’m angry, and to echo various other critics: Prometheus was a crime and someone needs to go to jail for murder.